Do you actually compete?

I was sitting at my computer admiring someone’s business website earlier tonight. I just thought to myself, “Man, it’s just so competitive in everything. No matter what it is I do there are going to be other people doing it.” 

I grew up playing sports. I love playing games and competing. In that moment, however, something felt off. I had definitely felt this feeling before. It was a fear. The fear of losing. I love competition though. I love being on the court and doing my best to win the game. However, in business it has been different. When I was sitting there looking at that website I realized that it wasn’t so much about competing and it was more about simply not losing. 

I wasn’t competing - I was just doing anything I could to ensure I didn’t lose. A competitive person is defined as someone who is driven to outperform others or achieve success. Recently I have learned about myself that I want success, who doesn’t if they had the opportunity, however, I have been more focused on it being handed to me. I was happy to take what I was given, to put in the bare minimum. After that, it just wasn’t worth it. I was not driven to outperform anyone to achieve success. I was hoping that people would just give me what I wanted.

That worked when I was eight. It doesn’t work at thirty-eight.

Even when playing games with friends I can better see this desire to not lose. I would avoid games that I wasn’t familiar with, I get frustrated when things aren’t going my way, and I would not put in any work to change the outcome the next time. Much like business, I would talk a big game. I would say all the right words. However, my actions revealed something quite different, and what matters most is results.

How can you tell if you are playing not to lose as opposed to playing to win? Here are some things that I noticed about myself:

Avoiding accountability. I was very vague in my commitments. Very vague in the actions that I was committed to taking. Honestly, I would not even commit to a clear vision of the direction that I wanted to go in. This gave me a great opportunity to avoid taking any action. If I didn’t know what I wanted to do, then I did not have to go anywhere.

Having a lack of results. It all comes back to results. I can have all the knowledge and understanding in the world. If I’m not doing anything with it, then what is it good for? Then I’m just taking all of my potential to the grave with me and not sharing it with the world.

“The graveyard is the richest place on earth, because it is here that you will find all the hopes and dreams that were never fulfilled, the books that were never written, the songs that were never sung, the inventions that were never shared, the cures that were never discovered, all because someone was too afraid to take that first step, keep with the problem, or determined to carry out their dream.”

-Les Brown

Focusing on others. I spent a lot of time looking at other people and comparing myself to them. Seeing what they were doing, seeing how they were doing things, and what they created. I would talk to myself about how I could do better than them or I could do that if I really wanted to. Yet, what did I have to show for it? I made myself better than everyone by comparison and personality. I filled up my ego while others were filling up their lives and bank accounts. I remember noticing that people kept passing me by and realizing how many people I know that have accomplished so many great things in life while I was watching it all happen.

How does a reformed not-to-lose-r start playing a winning game? Make a plan. Make a decision today of what you (I) want and start going after it. Forget about everyone else that is doing something close to what you are doing or similar to what you’re doing and go. Don’t forget about them. See what they are doing, learn from what they are doing, celebrate them (yes that’s right), and then go. It’s good to have people to play the game against. Then be better. Focus on being a better version of yourself. Focus on building a better version of your business. That is how not only you win, but everyone else as well.

Take risks. Step out on the small branches and see what you can see. We may fall down along the way, and in the game of life and business we can always get back up and go again.

Play to win. Compete. Have FUN doing it.