Stepping off my throne
Last week I didn’t do something that I said that I wanted to do because I told myself that I was “too good for it.” It was something that I told a bunch of people that I would do and just shrugged it off. Now I’m behind on this project. This is something that I’ve done many times in my life. I make excuses for myself especially in a way that I convince myself that I’m superior or better than something so that I do not have to do it. It’s almost like if I’m better than it, then it’s ok that I don’t do it. At least that is what I have told myself in those situations.
My ego has kept me “safe” for a really long time. I know that this is something that has been written about so much, and I want to share the experience that I’ve had myself over the past few days. I want to look good. That has been, for the first 38.75 years of my life, my main priority. It hasn’t been until the last few months that I realized how hard I work to simply look good, sound good, appear like I have it all together. Now, the next logical question is to ask why and how it took so long.
I wish I had the answer to that. And I’m in luck, because I actually do.
This is the short answer that I have. Most of the things I have gotten in life, most of what I have created for myself has been from charisma and what’s fallen in my lap. I haven’t really worked that hard. Quite honestly, I’ve liked it that way. It’s been pretty easy. It’s gotten to the point, though, where that isn’t good enough. I’m not happy with where I am. So, I have become much more aware of how I operate and how it is keeping me where I am at. I allowed my ego to come through on this project that I’m working on - and so I made no progress. This isn’t acceptable to me anymore. Progress and creating a result is a much higher priority than being right about something. Further, if I’m not happy with something or how I have to do something then I have to create a new way to do it, or find a new way to do it.
I’ll be the first one to say that I have had a pretty entitled mentality in life. I have lead most of my life believing that I should just get what I want and being unwilling to put in the work to actually get anything really. If it didn’t fall in my lap it wasn’t worth it. I truly thought that I deserved that as well. It wasn’t until I saw my friends pass me up for promotions and better opportunities that I came to the realization of what was truly going on. It wasn’t until I got feedback from people that truly cared about me that I saw what I was doing to myself.
My ego created some really great excuses and reasons for me to hide behind for a long time. I’m glad that I’ve figured that out now. I wish it would have happened a long time ago… and better late than never.
How is your ego keeping you safe? What excuses are you making for yourself that allow you to not get your goals and what you say that you want? Which is more important?
